nightmares
nightmares can be so weird sometimes.
sure, there are the predictable ones, like the teacher or coach from hell nightmare, or the mutating attack pet, and things like that ... i call those MIGHTmares because as stephen king's icon status as an author shows, these kinds of scares and horrors are scary and horrific because they MIGHT happen, yanno? cujo was based on what might happen if the town dog got rabies. christine was a scary what if a nerd somehow melded with a car thing.
MIGHTmares are usually based on awkward, upsetting or just downright rude moments in real life. so they're kind of just extensions -- your brain saying yeah, that was pretty horrible but what if ... and something really insane, crazy, or just downright terrifying happens, and you wake up!
but then there are those other kinds of nightmares ... the ones that start off like a normal dream but then somehow transmogrify, and you can’t seem to wake up. the kind that follow you around all day. the onese that randomly pop up in your thoughts for a long time afterwards. the onese that literally seem to make your blood run cold.
yesterday, it was sort of foggy outside. sometimes it gets like that ... its sort of comforting because it reminds me of where we used to live. just patches of fog that drift in and blanket the area in quiet. it doesn’t usually last very long, but while its foggy it’s sort of nice.
but in this dream gone nightmare, i wake up to a light fog outside that gets thicker and thicker. not bad so far, right? fog happens.
I grab a cup of coffee (whoa …) and I sit on the couch in the livingroom sipping my coffee (whoa) and look out the big window… its getting visibly thicker. looks almost like vichyssoise or however that's spelled. ever notice that fog doesn't necessarily make it dark outside? it isn't getting darker, because fog is like that -- it gets thicker, but it somehow has a light of its own. it isn’t a distinct glow, just
… a glow.
i walk outside with my coffee cup and listen ... you can't hear anything out there. no wandering dogs. no cars inching along. no train clanking along the tracks. just .... fog.
as i turn to go back into the house i realize its gotten really thick as i stood there ... i know my way back to the front door, but its a good thing i do, because i can't see it. i close the door behind me and call out to everyone to wake them up. come look at this! this is really cool!
no answer.
okay, this must be a dream, so i'll just go with the flow. i walk from room to room, looking around. no one is here. not even a lethargic cat or annoying dog. i decide i'm going to go online to see if any of my friends are on. no internet. i check the phone. no dialtone. i grab the cell phone. plenty of bars, but that's out, too.
hmmmm.if everyone's gone then i can do what i want, right? but what do i want to do, right now?
i feel a slight sense of panic. what i really want to do is find someone. during the day, i always have these moments of needing space ... wanting people to leave me alone. but this? this is not what i wanted.
i push through the fog (yes, it's starting to feel almost solid), going from house to house. no one answers my knocking and then pounding on their doors. i go into the houses and no one is there. whoa. this dream is weird because until this point i didn't realize i knew that this guy was such a slob. look at his room, LOL! even my room isn’t this messy.
alone is not cool when you have no choice. and this is beginning to feel as though i have no choice, because i can't find ANYONE!
i go back to our house and grab the keys. jump into the car and ... you know, its pretty stupid to drive in fog but then this is a dream, so there's no one else on the road, right? and there isn't. not a single other car on the road.
the local grocery store is brightly lit. the fixtures hum ... did you know that? you wouldn't know that unless you walk in when no one is there.
all the local gathering spots ... the coffeehouse ... the fastfood places ... the mall ... all lit up and deserted. at the local ice cream place, there's a scoop stuck in a tub and a bowl on the counter, as if someone was scooping ice cream and just disappeared. i reach over the counter and close the sliding window on the case.
there are movies running in the theater (i can hear it because they always have the volume up so high) but when i go in to look around there isn’t anyone there. one of the cash registers is open with a twenty on top of the drawer. i reach over and push the twenty with a finger until it falls into a slot and push the drawer closed. I don’t know why, but the open drawer bothers me, like the open ice cream case.
I wander from store to store. no one. and outside, the fog gets thicker and thicker.
i drive slowly home because even if no one is there, i’d rather be home than somewhere else in this weirdness.
this isn't fun anymore. it isn't amusing, it isn't even slightly odd.
in dreams, sense of time is distorted. this dream seems to just go on and on. seriously. it feels like days …
weeks …
months …
at some point, the water fails, so thank god for bottled water.
... and there's still no one out there.
… a glow.
i walk outside with my coffee cup and listen ... you can't hear anything out there. no wandering dogs. no cars inching along. no train clanking along the tracks. just .... fog.
as i turn to go back into the house i realize its gotten really thick as i stood there ... i know my way back to the front door, but its a good thing i do, because i can't see it. i close the door behind me and call out to everyone to wake them up. come look at this! this is really cool!
no answer.
okay, this must be a dream, so i'll just go with the flow. i walk from room to room, looking around. no one is here. not even a lethargic cat or annoying dog. i decide i'm going to go online to see if any of my friends are on. no internet. i check the phone. no dialtone. i grab the cell phone. plenty of bars, but that's out, too.
hmmmm.if everyone's gone then i can do what i want, right? but what do i want to do, right now?
i feel a slight sense of panic. what i really want to do is find someone. during the day, i always have these moments of needing space ... wanting people to leave me alone. but this? this is not what i wanted.
i push through the fog (yes, it's starting to feel almost solid), going from house to house. no one answers my knocking and then pounding on their doors. i go into the houses and no one is there. whoa. this dream is weird because until this point i didn't realize i knew that this guy was such a slob. look at his room, LOL! even my room isn’t this messy.
alone is not cool when you have no choice. and this is beginning to feel as though i have no choice, because i can't find ANYONE!
i go back to our house and grab the keys. jump into the car and ... you know, its pretty stupid to drive in fog but then this is a dream, so there's no one else on the road, right? and there isn't. not a single other car on the road.
the local grocery store is brightly lit. the fixtures hum ... did you know that? you wouldn't know that unless you walk in when no one is there.
all the local gathering spots ... the coffeehouse ... the fastfood places ... the mall ... all lit up and deserted. at the local ice cream place, there's a scoop stuck in a tub and a bowl on the counter, as if someone was scooping ice cream and just disappeared. i reach over the counter and close the sliding window on the case.
there are movies running in the theater (i can hear it because they always have the volume up so high) but when i go in to look around there isn’t anyone there. one of the cash registers is open with a twenty on top of the drawer. i reach over and push the twenty with a finger until it falls into a slot and push the drawer closed. I don’t know why, but the open drawer bothers me, like the open ice cream case.
I wander from store to store. no one. and outside, the fog gets thicker and thicker.
i drive slowly home because even if no one is there, i’d rather be home than somewhere else in this weirdness.
this isn't fun anymore. it isn't amusing, it isn't even slightly odd.
in dreams, sense of time is distorted. this dream seems to just go on and on. seriously. it feels like days …
weeks …
months …
at some point, the water fails, so thank god for bottled water.
... and there's still no one out there.
Buddhist Rant posted at 6:26 AM
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