making costumes

another rainy day. bleurgh

ok so i'm sitting here sewing costumes... 7 chicks, a skunk, 6 onions, a petunia, 9 clovers and 4 hearts that will be formed into a clover. lovely way to spend sunday eh? i just don't know about little kids. they're so excited about the costume designs. what i do is nothing really special. i mean, it's just fabric and thread and wiggle eyes. their sisters or moms could do it just as easily, couldn't they?

maybe not. because they tried that one year and i ended up sewing all the costumes two nights before the performance. so this is why i'm taking time away from my first love (computers, art, reading, computers, crafts ... okay and computers). i'm like, no, i don't get paid to do this. but little kids ... they don't get to be little kids for very long, yanno? and i remember how special programs were when you got selected to do stuff, or wear a costume.

its still bleurgh making them tho.

rise and fall of relationships

ok this isn't going to sound profound or anything. its just a list of what i know and probably some of it isn't accurate but i'm not a scientist

i know that relationships work better when you have shared interests, or atleast interests that can run parallel courses. if the other person is a total sports freak and you're not, it could still work if the other person doesn't mind you bringing along something you do like, like a book or something ... it doesn't work if the other person needs you to be just as much of a sports freak.

relationships follow certain kinds of patterns -- whether a relationship lasts depends on how much BOTH people are dedicated to staying the course.

the initial phase: initial observations -- those day to day random sorts of things about that person you somehow know or hear or learn from interaction. observations you gather without even realizing it, not in terms of potential romance but merely as a part of everyday life.

the developing awareness phase: not always mutual either ... when all those initial observations start to coalesce into a personal opinion about that person. this can vary from day to day, because let's face it -- we all have our moments and unfortunately, in daily life, we aren't always aware of what other people are observing and what conclusions they are drawing.
the developing awareness phase sometimes starts out as what we think of someone who is somehow tangential to someone we like or care about.

the infatuation phase: the only things you really want to know are the things you like or think are cute -- the rest of what you subconsciously know about the person gets mentally lockered. the phase when you don't really want to know if other people are wondering if you've lost your mind.
this is that phase where you subconsciously scramble to find common grounds based on what you think you know about the other person. this is the phase where people do things like grow their hair out because the other person seems to notice long hair, or grow beards (or shave em) because the other person made some passing comment about facial hair, change the way we dress or the way we interact with friends.
your friends have various ways of dealing with this transmogrification (look it up ... it's a majorly kewl word to know) ... they run the whole spectrum from open hostility to total confusion or acting incredibly childish.

the sharing is caring phase: this is that neat but somehow oddly weird phase when you learn more about the other person and the other person learns more about you ... and what you learn is sometimes cool, but isn't always what you wanted to know.
you try to share more about yourself and your life, and experience "oh." moments as you learn more about the other person. some of what you learn, you will like. some of what you learn, you're not sure about.
this is the phase when you reassure yourself that people can and do change for love. it might be a shock to learn this, but usually the other person is going through the same thing. the question to ask yourself is whether the differences matter. are they ones you both can life with?

the honeymoon is over phase: when you realize that some things are going to have to change to make this work. unfortunately for a lot of people, many of these things that are going to have to change are changes you think you can make in the other person ... you're not as thrilled with the changes the other person seems to want from you.
this can be an eye-opener. this is the stage when you both find out that the other person isn't quite what he or she seemed to be during the previous stage. (this is where you realize that it was better when love was blind LOL) he really doesn't like wearing those kinds of clothes and he's just doing it to humor you. you really don't like having to be nice to his friends and it's getting harder to be sweet.
sometimes, changes work ... especially if you are also willing and ABLE to change in ways that the other person wants. i say able, because some habits and preferences are hard to change, and the harder they are to change or the more there are that need to change, the more resentment a person feels -- even if you love em.
this is the phase that most people fail to grasp the importance of -- which is why relationships fall apart. relationships take on-going work and mutual commitment. it won't work in the long run if it's a one-sided effort, and it sure won't work if the two people can't communicate honestly about things that matter to them.

and when it isn't working the way you think it should be???

the teeter-totter phase: you vacillate between thinking "its me" and "its him" ... this is when all those resentments start flaring out, and all those things you might have once thought were cute are suddenly irritating as all hell. things are either too much or not enough.
sometimes you can mutually recover and return to a previous stage ... but it sort of depends on how much resentment there is on both sides, and how mature you both are about dealing with it. take a long look at the other person and then at yourself. is it really possible to change? is it realistic?

the divorce: everybody has stories to tell about this stage whether the stories are from personal experience or observation. if you can both get past the hurt and the anger, friendship really is possible ... but expect flare-ups because (haven't you figured this out yet???) we're all human.

what do i want to know?

geesh what a question.

yanno, its not like i carry around a handy dandy list of questions like some kind of survey or something. yes, i have questions and doubts and concerns and all of that going thru my mind -- isn't that the way human minds work??? (yes i'm ranting again lmao)

be honest with yourself ... when you like or dislike a person it isn't like or dislike the whole person but just bits and pieces ... parts of that person. you can like a person but really dislike certain things about that person, right? or someone you just totally despise might have certain characteristics that aren't totally loathsome, right?

its like ... OH HELLO people aren't just cardboard cut outs, yanno. so i'm not instantly liking or disliking a person. where's the crime in that??? i'd rather know more before deciding what i think. i don't buy makeup or clothes without thinking it through and i don't even much care about how i look, so why should people expect me to whack out an instant opinion about something more important?

too many times we waste a whole lot of time and energy expecting other people and things to be what we ourselves are not. i can care about a person and still not like some of the choices that person makes. i can dislike a person and still think that he or she has some redeeming qualities. i can be religious and yet despise the rigidity and ritual of organized religion.

if you don't want to hear an opinion unless it totally agrees with what you want to hear, then why bother asking me what i really think? when i say i don't know really know yet, isn't it kind of immature to ask WHEN i'll know? or WHY i don't know yet? or to simply assume that when i ask questions its because i don't like a person? geesh

this kind of thing gets blown all out of proportion. people weird out like they think the whole world except them should be in terms of black and white and i guess i'm just tired of it.

zen bunny?

what a concept


easter is not buddhist but for a moment, just picture a zen bunny. why is that so strange? think about this for a minute ... easter did not begin with christianity. oh, no. if it did, we wouldn't have holiday icons such as painted eggs, and marshmallow chicks, baked ham, all that schtuff.

as an itty bitty kid, i always wondered why it was that if christmas was about the birth, we had pine trees, wreaths, stockings, and santa ... because santa sure didn't come from bethlehem did he ...

and how exactly do you get chocolate, sexy undies and valentine cards from reading the story of st valentine?

and i know about st patrick and the snakes, but it didn't have anything in that story about a pot of gold or leprechauns???

well, i'm seriously wondering ... i mean, can you just see it? two thousand years ago, people sitting there thinking, "yanno, if we don't figure out something, we're going to lose the rest of them back to the whole pagan thing ..." and someone else saying "hey ... if we sort of adjust things ... we could tie these events to ..." ... well hey ... look at the year. it would have been about two thousand years ago, right?

... so ...

a zen bunny. well, think about it for a minute ... seriously ... a wild rabbit does not live a life of excess (hey! they're far less prolific than mice!) ... it lives it's life as best as it knows how, and for all you know, that rabbit attacking your garden is a buddhist who schrewed up a previous incarnation and is still getting adjusted to the consequences lmao so ... a zen bunny ...

reminds me of a birthday card i have. it has a picture of a donkey on the cover. inside it says,

Hi! I'm the Happy Birthday Donkey!

Don't laugh ... this is how the Easter Bunny got started!

zen pond?

whoa

yanno, if someone had said i'd put so much time and energy and thought into adapting the concept of a zen pond to this place, i'dve said yeah right. but for a lot of reasons, its starting to feel right. like ... i don't even like the idea of pets, because if someone or something shares your life ... then its not a pet because that's denying individuality. that kind of thing.

but yeah. this pond. it started out as a sneaking what if kind of thing, when i realized the fish were getting too big for the aquarium. they went outside to a big plastic barrel thing, and i seriously started rethinking this. then we took the cattle watering bin and that was about the size ... but ... its too uniform. that's just wrong.

so we start with that as a base. dig below the frost line. wrestle tree roots. get definitely un-zenlike in frustration dealing with shape issues and the whole rocks here in our part of the country are weirdly salmon pink thing. blow a fortune buying a heavy gauge pond liner insert to line the heck out of it. realize that heavy gauge pond liners are really really hard to handle.

finally get the pond liner somewhat in place, even artfully draping it over the shelf that runs the perimeter of the pond. fall hits and dumps a whole load of dead leaves and the fall rains and frosts solidify them. shirt. i guess this means they can't go in. wait. yes the fish can. we clean out and fill the pond. the fish go in. wait ... in a couple months its going to freeze over. so out we go and buy a cattle water heater on the advice of fellow pond fiends.

local pet store guy gets into a long convo with us, telling us he went the whole water heater way and has since removed it ... how? well u know that submersible pond pump? you get a pvc elbow and point the water straight up. so long as the water is moving, it won't freeze over and popsicle the fish.

ummmm okay.

son of a gun. it works.

ok so now its spring and the fish have grown big time over the winter. but in the meantime ... yanno, if we're going to mortar the perimeter and the waterfall, we totally cannot do this unless we're somehow sealing the mortar. because mortar has lime in it. and that's not good for fish. we don't want that leaching out into this water because it was horrendous getting water clear of chemicals in the first place. (the local tap water is totally deadly ... i filter all water) ...

okay so back to searching OMGGGGGG $54.95 per gallon for mortar seal?

and we still will need to order another five tons of fine gravel. why fine gravel? well we also have a cat and dog living with us. fine sand is out even if we didn't have windstorms, because ... well ... cats and sand. yeah. and gravel because ... well ... dogs and something that feels dig-able? yeah.

i still don't like the salmon pink rocks.

here we have a situation where the classic zen garden is impossible using local materials and we've adapted all over heck and gone ....

but the amazing thing is, five minutes pond-side watching the fish, and its all worth it. they're happy and this makes me feel peaceful.

i just don't look at the salmon pink rocks.

waiting2

oh geeeeez ... as we were getting ready to go out, we glanced out the window and OMG the white van pulled up. my heart goes out to the both of them. we watched as they removed her under a burgundy shroud. oh geeeeeez.

we're not close enough for me to just walk over there and talk with him. and seriously. what do you say under these circumstances? we just saw them taking walks together this week. and now this. i hope she's in a better place. i hope she's at peace. i hope he's handling. i kn0w how much it totally suxxors to lose someone you love. no matter how it happens ... it suxxors beyone what we ever thought was possible to feel.

and the hardest part? seriously. the hardest part is getting angry, and feeling so guilty for being angry.

waiting

in our lives we do all kinds of waiting.

we wait in lines. we wait to hear from people. we wait for events. sometimes what we wait for is something we're really anticipating, something we're really excited about, someone or something we know about, but at times like that ... its like that song, anticipation, that carly simon sang.

sometimes what we're waiting for is something or someone but we're not sure how it will be or what will happen. tests. report cards. evaluations. the news. sometimes it's just as hard waiting, but at least there's still some kind of hope.

the waiting i spazz about is when you know something is wrong. times like that, waiting is a nightmare of worries. an hour ago, an ambulance and two police cars pulled up at my neighbor's house. okay, it's not the neighbor, since he walked out to them. we didn't see his wife, which isn't unusual since she rarely comes out.

a while later, a third police car with a detective came. the detective was wearing blue gloves.

after a while, a fourth police car with a detective came. he also pulled on blue gloves. the third one left after talking with him.

the detective stepped out of the house. the ambulance people stepped out, and he took notes as they talked to him. they then went back inside.

after a while, the ambulance pulled up to the driveway, their people got in, and the ambulance left. they didn't take either of the neighbors, so this is good, isn't it? because it means no one is hurt, doesn't it? and no flashing lights or sirens, so at this point, we're wondering if the house got broken into ... burglarized or something. maybe, because the detective just walked back to his car, talked on his cell phone, then pulled out a cam and started walking around the outside of the house, recording.

another neighbor, a detective, informed us that "ambulances don't take dead bodies. the white van does."

okay so we're escalating worrying now. she (our neighbor) hasn't been well for several years now. for a long time, i've simply figured she's been depressed. when we first met them 10 years ago, she was pretty outgoing. now, she's pretty quiet. this town has that effect on anyone who came from bigger places, though.

this is awful. i'm sitting here praying, hoping all is well. but i don't know. they're good people, and good neighbors. i just hope the two of them are okay.

its not HOW you say it, its WHO you say it to

i don't think we're all from the same planet.

seriously. for example ... why is it that "I'll be right there" translates to waiting 15 minutes or more? or why is it that a minute on my planet is so different a time unit for other people?

it isn't just about time, either. i swear, "don't forget!" means exactly the opposite to most people i know.

and the whole bubble thing. what part of BACK OFF!!!! do friends and other people not understand? why is it that when you say to a friend "that's private. i don't want to talk about it" they immediately need to know all the details you don't WANT to discuss with them? and how come guys and girls can't be seen together without someone making some kind of assumption?

strange. demented. or, as i figure it, different planet.

life would be easier if

life would be easier if we didn't have hormones

or if they'd behave themselves

or atleast work with some kind of predictability

....... sheesh

part of growing up

part of growing up????

you know, i really hate when people pull that line ... you know which one i mean "that's part of growing up." what's THAT? is that going to make me feel any better? i think not. is it going to solve the problem? i think not. when someone asks you for your viewpoint or (god help us) advice, the last thing that person wants to hear is "that's part of growing up."

it's like, well golly gawrsh and awwww shucks ma'am.

true? what's truth anyway?

how can you tell what's true anyway?


seriously. it's like, i know things about you. you know things about me. we know things about other people. but like ... what i know or see or think about other people is totally different from what you know or see or think about them. what you think of me is totally different from what other people think. probably why we get along.

what i really like is that in court you have to do that whole "the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth" but what you experience will be different from what the person right next to you will experience. like that kid that got killed in the car accident. some people were like "figures. what was he doing drunk so early in the morning?" and other people were so sad. and still others were like "the road needs to be fixed." and so on and so forth.

the sad thing is, not many people take the time to compare notes. but comparing notes is how we gain more perspective on things. like when we talk about the insane things that happened during our days and how you react or interpret stuff that happens to me, makes me think about it in a different way. how i react or interpret stuff that happens to you, makes you think about that.

i think that's the most important thing about real friends. true friends. a true friend is someone who you can really communicate with, someone who doesn't push their interpretations or beliefs on you, but in the process of communicating with you, gives you another perspective or point of view to consider.

yeah.

kay i'll shut up now lmao

this blog thing

this blog thing ...

i noticed that i blog in spurts. seriously. its like ... days will go by and nothing will freak me out enough to need to write about it. and then something will hit or happen or just pop into my mind and here i am again, blogging my little heart out.

but then there are other times when i just don't want to blog about it. like sometimes when i feel sooooo totally down that i seriously don't even want to blog it because who wants to come back later and see that, you know? so this blog ... its mostly just random thoughts and monkus about things and people and schtuff without very much of the angst because i don't really get into dwelling on those moments.

maybe i just need more chocolate or something.


... or a life. LMAO

So What Else Isn't True?

It’s a perfect setting, everything seems to make sense, but then, out of no where something comes up that really shouldn’t have. I guess this kind of goes with a previous post, but really I want to expand and vent, so I’m not gonna put it as a comment.
Lets look at a particular posse that I’m now inexplicably linked to, without a variation of doubt. On one end of the spectrum I have two past crushes that are extremely odd. Crinhim , who I thought was a complete jerk and really scary and my other ex crush Coyote who told me that Crinhim really was scary and I should be worried about him. He’s a jerk… etc etc. Now on the other end of the spectrum there’s Ahilto, who I’m going to prom with and thus that entire posse (which consists of about 15 or so people) have all taken notice of me again. Ahilto and I had to corsage ordering today, and we hooked up with my ex Marik who had to give me a ride… His ex and one of my closes friends Jerrie (a girl) and her prom date Scruffles… Who is my ex flirt buddy from a Brit Lit Class. It’s already ackward because Scruffles and I are kind of wondering how in the hell we were this unlucky… Jerrie’s looking at Ahilto, and keeps giggling because she thinks its SOOOO adorable we’ve finally hooked up… Marik isn’t happy because Ahilto and I have actually hit it off pretty well… and Ahilto’s mother is looking at me and talking with my mother trying to determine if I’m actually as nice as Ahilto says??
Ahilto and Mom-san have to go home, so my mom, Marik, Jerrie, Scruffles, and I all head to the mall where we run into BeDeva who just happens to be at a store that I need to hit for a purse. We talk for a little… then Jerrie has to leave and it’s just the guys, my mom, and me. THEN as if things hadn’t already been somewhat fun but mildly stressing… We run into Crinhim, who turns out to be a really nice guy. He APPOLOGIZES for something that he did in FRESHMAN year (we’re now juniors)… because he swore at me… I don’t even remember it. We’re all joking around and I realize that Coyote had totally lied to me about him. Then I secretly get extremely pissed at Coyote.
Crinhim wasn’t even competition when Coyote was lying to me about him… SO there was REALLY NO reason to lie. That bugs me sooo much. I mean if he could sink that low to lie to me about someone I wouldn’t have changed my mind for, what else has he lied to me about? How in the world should I trust him? And WHY THE HELL did I think he was such a great guy? I really don’t like hormones, they uber suxxors.
Of course now, I’m really laughing about it, because it’s ironic that I get along with so much of that posse … except Coyote. So Crinhim and I traded embarressing stories about our friends… I gave him ammo… he gave me lots of ammo… and I think I have a new great friend. LOL!
Well, that’s my random vent-age. Fun, Angry, and Very Odd at the same time.

religion

is my religion a REAL religion or is it a philosophy?

what kind of question is that?? *thinking* okay. if by religion you mean beliefs that are guiding forces in my life, that guide my actions and decisions, that affect how i interact with people and the world around me ... ummmm yeah my religion is a religion.

but do i go to church? well hey now. there's a HUGE difference between religious and religiosity. ask any real sociologist. religion is the set of beliefs etc etc etc ... religiosity is the whole ritualized observance crap that i so don't subscribe to. i don't push my beliefs on other people (proselytizing), i don't need to be surrounded by like-minded individuals in group rituals (seriously i'm not a group person so why would i need to go to church to experience my religion???)

and okay i really don't have any need to know there are lots of people out there who are the same religion because seriously what do i care what your religion is? it's YOUR religion ... you gotta live with it, not me.

well okay it might make a difference if we lived together and we were vastly different in religions ... well, no, actually, it wouldn't really make any difference to me, but it might make a huge difference to you.

in which case, living together wouldn't last long would it.

basically what it boils down to is this:

• i need to live my life being the best person i know how.
• believing what i do, i try to treat people with the respect and consideration i believe is due to them as cohabitors of this universe.
• i try to make a difference however small or unnoticed in life ... it isn't about recognition and it sure isn't about peoples' gratitude because that's not why i do it ... i do it because that's what i believe is right

so what's so weird about that?

the past haunts you

ouch.

it's sort of comforting but also appalling that your past is attached to you like a shadow ... it just keeps popping up like zits or something. and people don't remember things the same way you do, you know? it's like something that you think was totally traumatic and best buried and forgotten for eternity, someone else will remember later on and say "omg that was so cuuuuuuuuute" or something really putrid like that or even remember the whole thing as sort of funny and cute ... and you're forced to evaluate the whole painful experience from another point of view.

it's like ... what's WRONG with this picture ......

and its so strange to think that at the same time, things you didn't even notice bothered someone for YEARS, you know? sort of makes you wonder ... would i have done it differently if i knew that here we are, years later, and we're suddenly talking about something like this?

........ no. i don't think so. i mean, that could really get messy. the whole idea of constantly trying to anticipate future weirdnesses

ew

OR

well .......


yesterday was a ACK!!!!/EEK!!!!/OH?????/OoOOOooo!!!! situation all at the same time. ever have days like that? you know what i mean ... times when you walk into a situation and you have a simultaneously ACK/EEK/OHHHH/OoOOoOOo reaction sort of like chemistry gone berserk. when you stand there and suddenly you WISH you could split into several you's all at one time to handle each one differently

heh

okay and of course you say something and they all react differently with their own ACK/EEK/OHHHHH/oOOooOoo so how do you take it from there? omg and then there's the random OMGGGGGGGGG from past history that comes up in the convo and you just can't help but simultaneously think awwwwww that's so sweet omggggggggg is he for real


geesh

and what's with guys that you THINK you know as someone and BLAM!!!! suddenly you see a whole different side that totally contradicts what you THOUGHT you knew

BANG goes another delusion!

i hate that.

another one bites the dust. i just hate that. here i am, happy in my delusion. and someone just HAS to disillusion me. what's with that, you know? was that REALLY necessary, people???

i wish sometimes that you could just be happy with something or someone without having to go through the disillusionment process. can't it be a choice thing? because if it were a choice, i'd PASS, okay? if you really need to know the truth, whatever that might be, more power to you. but sometimes, its nicer not knowing. sometimes its just nicer thinking that it's love.

#$)_&# people

kids.

seriously now ... have you ever gotten really irritated at noisy whiny rude kids? we went to see the circus today. yeah, i know, we're so grown up ... wayyyy too mature to be enthralled by a little kid thing. and we won't even talk about animal cruelty (i swear the lion was more stoned than some of the biker wannabe's in the audience) or exploitation of minorities (ever notice how most of the performers are from south america? why is that? could it be because the pay suxxors??)

but getting back to the kids in the audience. noisy. whiny. rude. and they kept whapping me with their stupid souvenir toys. one kid just walked right up to me and grabbed my soda and tried to take a swig. when i grabbed it back and said "that's not yours!" he grabbed my popcorn!

and the parents are no better ... watching them you KNOW where the kids got their cruddy manners. the parents shove past you, then plop themselves down right on the bleacher walkway because they don't want their precious kids to go running or climbing up and down. of course they get mad at you when you tell their kids to quit kicking or hitting you with the stupid toys.

the parents weren't even watching their kids. they were watching the show. the kids were hogging out on barbecue sandwiches, soda, cotton candy, ice cream and lord knows what else. are the parents concerned that maybe the kids shouldn't be mixing all those high fat high sugar no nutritional content foods and beverages?

no. they're watching the show.

so this one kid starts barfing and the parents don't even notice.

until the kid projectile barfs on his mom. ohhhhh THEN they notice. omg they notice big time. because NOW they can't watch the show, because the kid is still barfing. and people around them are complaining.

so they literally stand up and drag the kid by the arms off the bleachers and down the corridor to the bathroom. BOTH parents. what are they going to do? both walk into the bathroom?

and do they CARE that there's barf all over the bleachers? no. they're just mad at their kid for interrupting them during the show. i couldn't believe it ... the dad was scolding the kid "couldn't you WAIT until after the show???"


the mom was no better "look at that! you messed up my jeans!"


can you believe that????

oooo?

awesomeness as a concept?

don't you just wonder sometimes what makes a person that special someone? why does that person have to go and change? or why does the way you feel have to change?

the other day i was just you know, thinking about that and wondering why it is that someone i think is absolutely totally endlessly infinitely AWESOME other people just shrug or grimace and say "ew."

or, worse yet, you see the person sometime later and think "ew."

it would be so cool if the parts you just love about a person wouldn't change, you know? i guess what i mean is, if you could look at that person and all those things you just love about that person stayed that way. and your loving those things stayed that way. and i guess i have to add here, and you don't learn other things about that person that totally screw how you think of him.

well, okay. fine. people DO change. but WHYYYY do we have to change so much? and why is it that, even when you really love someone, someone else can wiggle into your perspective like some damn fish in the aquarium and throw the whole thing off balance? i hate that.

i guess that's the thing about the idea of happily married, you know? you sort of look at the idea and it sounds good, and there's people out there who are. happily married, i mean. but personally, i'm not sure i would be. or could be. because there's always that idea floating around in my head that the person looks and sounds and all around just SEEMS to be THE ONE, but it would be a total crashing BUMMER if one day you wake up or he wakes up and thinks OMG ... THAT was a mistake.

i think that's the thing about being human. we make mistakes with alarming regularity. the suxxor part is, in real life you don't get a do-over or re-edit.

and wouldn't that be awesome if we could ???

planning a party

just thinkin


funny how something as simple as a get together with friends can get so complicated. that's the thing about being obsessive compulsive -- i sit there and start anticipating all kinds of crazy things, and planning how to deal with that. later, i'll be working on something else, or talking to someone, and another couple of uh-oh things pop into my head and i'll start trying to figure out how to deal with THAT what if.

all the contingency planning gets pretty nuts. and what started out as just a simple get together is suddenly a very big deal with all kinds of details and lists of schtuff and, well ... you get the picture.

what a hairball.

so yesterday i threw everything into one excel worksheet and told myself i'd skinny everything down to just what was REALLY necessary.

dang. didn't know i thought all that was necessary.

back to the drawing board.

delete. clear. delete. clear.

ew. now it looks messy. reformat.

okay and just when i'm figuring kewlness ... it looks do-able, manageable, and streamlined, someone says "hey -- you know what i really like about you? you think of EVERYTHING!!"


and i'm like, oh shirt.